Apathy?

I feel apathetic?

I place a question mark afterwards because I am not sure if that is the correct term. In fact, I know its not. So why I chose it in the first place, I don't really know. Except that is how I feel in the mornings.

I set my alarm for 6:30am every morning with the intention of waking up and hauling my lazy ass to the gym. And every morning for the past 3 weeks, I have just rolled over and reset my alarm for 7:30am. Disgusting.

I think today was probably the worst day. I woke up at 6:30am and was as close to wide-awake as I feel I could be for that early. You would think that I would have gotten up...gotten dressed...and busted my butt at the gym for awhile. Did I do that? Of course not. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

I am super disappointed in myself. I have no excuse. I have no reason. I just didn't do it.

Something has to change.

I have been feeling extremely apathetic, somewhat depressed, and quite anti-social lately. Not entirely sure what it is. It may be the weather...maybe its the fact that I am completely dissatisfied with my current employment situation...maybe its my frustration with my inability to find a teaching job (and the multiple rejection emails I receive weekly)...maybe its stress. I don't know. But something has to change.

I have hit a wall that I am determined to break down, one way or another.

Please, let me have the strength to break it down...