Sick...

So yesterday was interesting...I was within my points...and made decent food choices...but I was also sick...

For breakfast yesterday I had a banana and a granola bar. I was feeling kind of funny during the late morning and my stomach was aching but by the time lunch rolled around I figured I was just in need of food (usually I have some fruit or veggies between breakfast and lunch but I did not yesterday). For lunch I had some left over "stir-fry" and a string cheese. My stomach was starting to really feel funny at that point and I was all shaky and almost dizzy. I thought maybe I had let my blood sugar get too low so I ate a yogurt as well. I was still feeling pretty icky when I got back to my desk and, sure enough, about thirty minutes later I was getting sick in the bathroom. That occurred 2 more times in the next 45 minutes so at that point I went home.

When I got home, I lasted for about 2 hours and then was sick again. I didn't get sick for a few more hours and my stomach was grumbly so Kyle and I went and picked up some Subway for a late dinner. I ate my whole sandwich but afterwards I wasn't feeling so hot. I didn't get sick again but I did go straight to bed.

So yesterday was a bit of a toss up...technically I consumed most of my points...but I also lost them later...so we'll see.

Today I still feel a bit ill and my stomach is doing a lot of not-happy somersaults...which has, thus far, limited my food consumption. Fingers crossed, I'll make it through the day without getting sick again.

I am happy that I have managed to stay on track this week and am even happier that I am going to be attempting a new WW recipe tonight of sesame chicken.

I learned that if I am ever nauseous or sick to my stomach...most people jump to pregnancy!! Grr...

Another pretty good day...

Yesterday I did really well outside of some minor chocolate intake at the end of my day.

I made a really delicious stir-fry-esk meal for dinner. I marinated chicken in teriyaki sauce and then baked it and steamed brown rice and some veggies in my new steamer (which is AWESOME). Then I threw some low sodium soy sauce on it, mixed it all together, and enjoyed. It was quite tasty and I got a ton of food for relatively low points.

I did have a lot of points after dinner though so I had a glass of milk to try and up my dairy intake a bit and I indulged in some Easter chocolate. I didn't have too much and I thoroughly enjoyed what I had but I will be happy when its gone and out of my house. I'm working really hard on eliminating temptation from my apartment.

I didn't work out yesterday...I pulled something in my foot or ankle and it was really uncomfortable. It hurt when I just stepped on it. But Kyle downloaded the Wii Fit Plus and I am excited to try out some of the new games available this week!

Overall, I'm doing pretty well with staying on track and that makes me happy. I don't feel like any difference has been made in my body though...at least not visibly. I know that it is still really early on but I am anxious to start seeing the results of these changes. I guess I'll just have to exercise some patience.

I am really happy that I've managed to remain on track with my eating for the most part and I am learning to balance my points so I can consume them in a healthier manner.

Improvement

So yesterday went pretty well...one of the best days I've had since mid last week.

I ate good food all day and made really yummy ground turkey tacos last night. I didn't eat quite as many veggies as I usually like to but I stayed within my points (under actually) and didn't have any slip ups. I also hopped on the Wii Fit for about 15 minutes last night...not as long as I usually would like to but we got home late and I was exhausted.

I bought a used Ipod last night so I am super excited about that. I'm going to work on getting all my music loaded and making some good work out play lists so I can hit the gym hard next week!

I am a bit frustrated with the Wii Fit though. It "requires" you to take a body test every time you log in so it can measure your progress and mark that you were on that day. I like that it tracks the days that you are on and working out...but I hate that I have to do a body test every single time. I don't want to know my weight progress daily. It just makes me kind of sad and gets me down a little bit. I know I need to be positive about it but it is hard to ignore the BMI scale yelling "OBESE" at me every night. I just wish I could get on there...do some exercises...and do my body test once a week. Oh well...

Anyway...I'm happy with getting back on track yesterday and today should be just as good, if not better!

Oh...I learned that my boyfriend is amazing (though I already knew that) and is working with me to help keep me on track...thanks babe for making me work out last night even when I was pouting...

No Ipod = No Motivation

So it seems that the music gods have decided to curse me...

BOTH my Ipods have decided to stop functioning...yep...two...

Well...my first one died quite some time ago...everything works but no sound comes out.

Now, my other one has done the same thing. This occurred last week and well...its been devastating...

I can do the Wii Fit with no music obviously...its a video game...there are noises that come along with it. But working out at the gym on the elliptical or treadmill for an hour...at 6:45am...with no music...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

I can't do it. I know that sounds like an excuse but I just can't do it. Working out is hard enough for me right now and the motivation is seriously lacking...but the fact that I have to try and do it, listening to only me breathing and the noise of the machine I'm on...that is just complete torture.

I think I need to invest in a new Ipod (well new to me)...ugh...stupid electronics...

Back on track...sort of...

So yesterday I did pretty well in the food department...at least during most of the day...

I ate really healthy food for both breakfast and lunch. I was super excited to get back on track and regain my stride. I had cottage cheese and cantaloupe for breakfast. Turkey sandwich, string cheese, and wheat thins for lunch. And I had watermelon and sugar snap peas as snacks. I was pretty satisfied with my choices.

For dinner, Kyle made baked ziti. His parents came over to see our apartment finally all put together and his step-dad was going to help me with some credit issues I have been having. I used the recipe builder application on WW online to help me determine the points value of the ziti. I was able to have a decent sized portion (though I would have liked to eat more) for 14 points. His parents brought garlic bread but I passed on it. I still had some points left over after dinner but then the stress eating kicked in. The credit issues did not get resolved the way I had hoped they would and I was left really upset and stressed out. I then started eating...I had a piece of garlic bread...then a Popsicle...then a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg...not exactly staying on track.

I ended up having to use one of my bonus points because the Reese's Egg put me over. I was pretty disappointed in myself. I didn't work out either. This was not the way I wanted to start my week. I know I need to keep pushing and not let this defeat me...but when I get stressed out...the only thing I want to do is stuff my face. I need to find a way to channel that into the desire to exercise.

Its a new day...and so far my choices have been good. Fingers crossed I can stay strong...

Weigh-In #1

Well folks...I weighed myself today for my first weigh in after starting my new "regime"...and I lost 7.3 lbs.

Now...I do need to add a bit of a disclosure to this weight result...I did change the way I weigh in which could have an effect on my weight this time. The first time I weighed myself was last Sunday evening at about 9pm. I had placed my Wii Fit board on two wooden boards (one under each side) to help stabalize it on the carpet and weighed myself that way. I realized though that it wasn't quite as stable as I wanted it to be so I have now started to do my body tests by placing the board in our entry way. It is linoleum so there is no concern about the stability issue like there is with carpet. I also changed my weigh-in day to Mondays because I didn't like the idea of my weekly points reseting on Sundays. I weighed myself at about 7:45am this morning and will continue to do it this way. But weighing myself at different times of day can change my results...sometimes as much as +/- 2lbs. I know that starting off inconsitent wasn't the best practice but I changed it so I can get the most accurate readings possible. I will remain consistent with time and location from here on out.

That being said...I am happy with my results. I know a lot of it is probably water weight and the inconsistency may be contributing. But either way...the number on the scale did not go up. This is so awesome considering I was disappointed in myself for some of my choices this week.

Yesterday was rough...I basically ignored my diet completely. I ate all kinds of food...candy...soda...cheese...and other bad things for me. I got caught up in the holiday and resorted back to my old habits. While I am a little disappointed that I didn't take more care...I am using this as a lesson to remember that slip ups won't derail me and this is just going to motivate me to work hard this week to stay on track.

I've learned that I can make progress, even if I have a few slip ups.

I am happy that my number went down!!

Tough weekend...and I'm only 1 day in...

So I'm now in the middle of the weekend that I've both been looking forward to and slightly dreading.

My parents came into town last night and I'm really glad we get to spend some time together. I don't get to see them often (last visit was over Christmas) so each time we get together, I really enjoy it. Anyway...I knew this weekend was going to be tough on my diet. It is really difficult to remain diligent when company is in town...especially when it is a holiday weekend.

Today was  okay...I didn't make the best food choices but I remained within my points so I suppose that is good at least. We went to Red Robin for lunch with Shannon (which was awesome because my mom finally got to meet my best friend) and I knew that was going to be a challenge for me. I have a WEAKNESS for french fries...as my mother...they are my comfort food. If I'm sick...I want potatoes in the french fried form please. Its been that way since I was a kid. Anyway...I debated and scrutinized the menu and had a really hard time. I ended up ordering a teriyaki chicken sandwich minus the mayo (though I still had cheese)...and I got fries. I should have ordered melon instead but I didn't. When I got home to calculate my points I was at 29 just from lunch (I didn't eat breakfast...which was another bad move on my part). For dinner we got pre-made baked chicken and some sides from the grocery store because we were out and about too late to cook and eat in a reasonable amount of time. I had one chicken breast which, according to WW is 5 points...but the seasoning that they put on it was extremely salty so I may have been off a bit. I also had a bit of coleslaw but passed on the baked beans and rolls. I still have 5 points left so I plan on having some low fat cottage cheese and cantaloupe as "dessert"...even though its way too late to be consuming food.

I am not super ashamed of my progress today, though I know I could've done better. But tomorrow...man...tomorrow is going to be rough to say the very least.

We are going to Toast for breakfast...a fabulous restaurant that makes AMAZING eggs benedict. Then we are going to Kyle's family's house for dinner...with all the trimmings. I just don't know how much will power I have. I mean, I have all my "bonus points" for the week left and I have a few activity points if I need to trade them in. But overall...I'm not sure how much I want to hold back. I mean...obviously I want to stick with my diet and be careful. But I also want to enjoy my day...my family...and the food that we only get to eat a few times a year.

I guess I'll just take tomorrow as it comes and hope I make decent choices.

Baby Steps...

So during my "internal dilemma" yesterday, I realized that I was posing questions that I already knew the answers to. I KNOW that just because I have points left that doesn't give me an excuse to eat crappy food. I guess I just needed to verbalize it to whip myself into shape.

After I slipped up with the Chef Boyardee and the ice cream yesterday, I was determined to do well the rest of the day and today. I had Subway for dinner (I did get cheese but it was within my points and I figure cheese is a source of dairy that I need on occasion at least). I still had a few points left so I had some veggie straws and an all fruit Popsicle. Not my proudest two days but I know slip ups happen and I can't let it get me down...I need to make it work for me and motivate me to do better.

**On a side note...I want to thank the friends who gave me advice and helped me through my little slump yesterday...you know who you are and you helped immensely.**

Today, I have packed good foods...lots of fruits and veggies...healthy stuff...and I'm happy with that. So at least I know I'm on track for right now. I am nervous about this weekend though. My parents are visiting...we are going out to eat twice this weekend...and Sunday is Easter. I am going to try really hard to stay within my points and make healthy choices but I also want to make sure I enjoy my weekend and not constantly be stressed about what I'm going to eat. I have saved all my bonus points (49 per week) for this weekend so hopefully that will help me stay within my "budget".

I've failed miserably at working out the last two days. I did walk a little bit this morning (I parked about 15 minutes away from my work) but that is about it. I didn't get home until after 10pm last night and I had been up since 6am (which is REALLY early for me)...so I was not in the mood to exercise. I am hoping I can get a little Wii Fit in tonight and this weekend and then start with the gym on Monday morning.

I weigh in on Sunday...I am petrified of what the scale may say. I know I have done relatively well, especially because it is my first week. But I haven't been as active as I wanted and my biggest fear is to have to write on Monday that my weight went up or stayed the same. I'm trying really hard to be positive about the situation and not get discouraged before there is anything to be discouraged about.

A friend of mine provided me with a suggestion yesterday regarding my blog. She suggested that I end each entry with something that I've learned and something I am happy about. She said it will make the bad days a little easier to swallow by ending on a positive note. This could be really hard for me (those of you who know me well know how naturally pessimistic I can be) but I am going to try it.

I've learned that I know the right answer to the bad questions that I'm posing...I just need to listen and be honest with myself.

I am happy that I have not let my minor slip ups totally de-rail me like I have in the past.

Til tomorrow my friends...

Confusion

So...I'm having a bit of an internal debate with the Weight Watcher's system and how to make it work best for me. Now, I have no problems with the point system...I love it actually! I love being made to track my consumption and document everything I do. It helps keep me accountable.

The problem I'm having is with food choice. Now...I know that I need to be making healthy food choices...lots of fruits and veggies, lean protein, and low fat dairy products. I am okay with all of that and I feel like I have been doing a relatively good job. However...there have now been a few instances in which I wonder if I'm making the right choices...even if I'm within my points...

Last night...being grumpy (and a "recovering" stress/depression eater...not sure I can recover from that but I'm working on it) I ate some Chef Boyardee Beef Raviolis...a whole can in fact. Now, I had the points for it...I made sure of that before I ate it. But...we all know that Chef Boyardee isn't exactly good for you.

Today, I had a tooth pulled. The dentist recommended that I get some ice cream an hour after the procedure because the cold helps with the pain, swelling, and helps stop the bleeding. I went to McDonalds and just got a cup of vanilla soft-serve. No sauce or nuts or anything...but its ice cream none the less. Again...I had the points for it...but would I have made a better choice by sucking on ice chips or something?

Also...I'm having a debate about dinner. Kyle and I have a TON of cleaning and organizing to do tonight...my parents come into town tomorrow and they will be seeing our apartment for the first time. We recently just purchased new furniture for the entire place but a lot of our stuff is still in boxes. We were waiting to completely unpack until we had shelves and drawers to put stuff in (we were living with basically a mattress for quite some time) but when we got our furniture 95% of it had to be assembled. This meant that we have spend the last few weekends building rather than unpacking. Anyway...with all that to do tonight, I don't really want to cook. What I really want to have is Qdoba. A burrito sounds just fabulous. Well, that isn't listed on the Weight Watcher's website...but Qdoba has this awesome nutrition calculator on theirs. You just click the items that you would order (including all condiments) and it adjusts the nutritional facts accordingly. Now, I still have 27 points left for the day...if I get what I used to get prior to my diet...I'll still have 7 points left over. But that burrito is huge and has both cheese and sour cream...both of which you are supposed to monitor your intake.

So I am left in this debate...if it fits within my points...doesn't go over at all...am I still doing the diet properly? If I have a few days where my food choices may not be the smartest but still fit within my alloted points for the day...am I still going to lose weight?

Bad Day

So yesterday was a bad day...not necessarily because of my diet...but just as a whole the day pretty much sucked.

I had a doctor's appointment before work and found out I have high blood pressure. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised considerin my weight but I've never had problems with it in the past (I was at the doctor less than 6 months ago and they never said anything at least). I discussed my diet and exercise plans with my doctor and he said that taking those steps should bring it down and I hopefully won't need medication. I am going to be going back in about 3 months to check in and find out if its gone down. Hopefully it will have...

So I went to work after that and was already in kind of a crappy mood. Then, in the middle of work, a tooth broke in half. It was a tooth that I had issues with previously but I wasn't able to get it fixed cause dentistry is outrageously expensive. So I was extremely upset about that. I went to the dentist this morning to find out what could be done and how much it'll cost...to get it fully fixed it is going to cost $1,100 AFTER insurance. Looks like I'm just getting it pulled and hopefully getting the rest done at a later date.

So all in all...yesterday sucked. I ate all but one point...but didn't eat nearly as many fruits and veggies as I want to. I was a bit unhealthy...even though I was still within my points for the day. I also didn't work out at all. I got home and was upset and grumpy so I just watched some tv and then went to bed.

I wasn't super productive or good about my diet. And unfortunately, I fear today may not be better. I have a dentist appointment in a few hours to get my tooth pulled...which introduces pain and difficulty eating. Then I go to work with a numb mouth, praying that I can answer the phone without sounding like a total fool.

Ugh...

Interesting Day...

So yesterday was okay...kind of a weird day all around, though that doesn't really have much to do with my diet.

I did okay on my points...still had a lot left by the end of my work day. Its a bit frustrating because I feel like I am eating plenty of food throughout the day (only when I am hungry) but my points don't get used. I am trying really hard to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables because they are good for you and my diet says to. The problem is that they don't count for any points at all...meaning I could be totally satsified after a lunch of a sandwich and some fruit but my points are still really low. While that may sound like a good thing...I am left at the end of the day with a lot of points to consume in order to hit my goal. I am trying to make sure that I have more points for dinner than I do for my other meals so I can continue to still make "normal" dinners for Kyle and I (since he isn't on the diet...though he is extremely supportive)...but having over half my points left over seems excessive. I managed to eat all of them yesterday by having a blueberry muffin with margarine (the giant one's you can buy at Sam's Club...they are 15 points each!) and a small glass of milk for "dessert". It worked but I also know you aren't really supposed to eat after 8pm because your body starts to store fat and go into rest mode. I guess I just need to work more towards balancing it out better.

Exercise was a little low yesterday. I did the Wii Fit again for about 22 minutes...not quite as long as I wanted but we didn't get home until later (we ate dinner at Kyle's parent's house) and I was really tired. I did the short run and the long run plus some other games/activities so I guess at least I did that. I'm trying really hard to get motivated to exercise but its a big adjustment for me. Its funny because I love the way I feel when I'm working out and after but my motivation for starting is always lacking. Hopefully that will change in time as I settle into a routine.

I am still taking the pills I got...yesterday I didn't get that spacey feeling which was good. I ate a granola bar when I took the pills and then had a yogurt 30 minutes later. I think eating something with them helped minimize the effects. I did have a stomach ache most of the day though. I don't know if that can be attributed to the pills or if I just had a stomach ache for some other reason...

Well...I guess its still the adjustment period. Lets see how it goes...

Day 1

Well, yesterday was my first day doing the Weight Watchers program. Overall it went pretty well. I had a hard time balancing my points though and wound up with 5 left over by the time I went to bed. I was so focused on eating foods that are low on points, I under-ate a bit during the day.

For breakfast all I ate was some Greek yogurt (3 points)...then I had some grapes as a morning snack (fruit and veggies have a points value of 0 so they don't count towards my daily allowance, though I do track them). For lunch I had a turkey sandwich on a sandwich thin (less calories and points than regular bread) with no cheese or mayo...so that was 5 points. I also had a light string cheese (1 point) and some Veggie Straws (3 points). As a side note...for anyone looking for a relatively healthy chip like snack...buy some Veggie Straws...they are made from potatoes, tomatoes, and spinach...all natural...and REALLY yummy! I then had some celery (but not much cause it tasted funny for some reason). So total for the whole morning and afternoon I only had consumed 12 points worth of food (leaving me with 34 points). By the time I got off of work, I was really hungry. For dinner, Kyle made whole wheat spaghetti with meat sauce. I had a full two servings (which equaled 16 points total) and was stuffed. But I still had 18 points left and with Weight Watchers you are supposed to eat your whole daily points allowance every day. So I had a real fruit popsicle (2 points) and then a bowl of cereal (10 points including milk)...leaving me with an extra 5 points. Ugh...

I also took my weight loss supplements yesterday for the first time. I am supposed to take between 1-3 pills 30 minutes before breakfast and lunch. I am also on a 3 day detox pill regimen which requires 3 pills before breakfast and lunch. I am only taking 1 of my weight loss pills before breakfast and lunch because I don't want to go overboard. But taking 4 pills twice a day was making me feel sick. I'm not sure if it was because my body wasn't adjusted to the pills but I got a bit nauseous and felt kinda spacey for a little while after taking the pills each time. I am going to try it again but if I continue feeling out of wack, then I'll stop.

For exercise yesterday I walked to and from work from the parking lot...which seems silly but my building doesn't have parking so I park a ways away to get cheaper parking (when I drive)...so its about a 10 minute walk each way, give or take. I didn't walk briskly or anything but I was still moving. I also did about 20 minutes on the Wii Fit when I got home. I did two rounds of jogging and some other aerobic and balance exercises. I did not go to the gym yesterday morning like I had originally planned. And after working out last night (and realizing how long its been since I've done any type of real working out) I decided that I am going to take it in steps. This week I am going to do the Wii Fit at night. Next week, I plan on adding the gym at least 3 mornings a week. Then I'll jump into the gym  5 mornings a week. I still plan on continuing participating in the Wii Fit every evening. I just figured with being so out of shape I need to build up my exercise routine. I don't want to wind up taking on more than I can handle and becoming discouraged.

Overall, I'm pretty happy with my first day. I need to work on balancing out my food points a little better and making sure I'm eating enough but of the right things. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue writing about what I ate for the day...reading back it kinda seems a little silly. I'm sure those of you reading don't really need to know what I had for lunch.

Wish me luck for day two...hopefully I'll improve a little bit at least...

Here it goes...

Well...here I am...starting something that both excites me and terrifies me at the same time...but before all that, I suppose I should start from the beginning...

I weigh 299lbs. I cannot even begin to express how hard that was for me to type...truly...I debated about excluding that information when I decided to start blogging out of disgust and shame...I even deleted it a few times after typing it. But I decided if I am going to do this I need to do it right. Let me preface this with the knowledge that I am writing this blog for myself...I am not writing this for pity or for anyone elses' benefit. This is for me in the hopes that this will add another level of accountability. If you choose to read about my journey...great! Welcome. But please don't judge. Don't make assumptions. And know that I am aware that this is long overdue.

I am 24, overweight, and unhappy with my health and appearance. I have always been overweight (even as a child) and it is something I had grown comfortable in. I had accepted my role as the "fat friend" and at times, I even embraced it. But I have always had serious issues with my weight. I make jokes and pretend it doesn't bother me but I can't count how many times I have cried over my appearance. I am tired of crying and making myself promises that I consistently fail to keep. I have made "resolutions" of working out and eating better but my commitment was never strong enough. Sleeping an extra hour always seemed better and ice cream dominated over salad any day. And because of these choices, I have become what I am today. Ashamed and disgusted. I cannot live like this anymore. Not only because I hate the way I look...but because I am beyond unhealthy. I don't want to grow old like this...I don't want to live my life in this body anymore. This change is going to happen and it is starting today.

After much debate and research...I have decided to embark on a journey of multiple changes. I have started the online Weight Watchers program. For those of you who don't know how this works...I am allowed a certain number of "food points" (each food item is assigned a number of points based off of the content of fat, carbohydrates, protein, and fiber) each day. This will assist me in making better food choices (as healthier foods have less points and can therefore be consumed more easily) and working on portion control. I am also embarking on a new exercise routine. I recently purchased a Wii Fit (which is going to be my weight loss monitor as well) and I have a 24 hour gym at my apartment complex. My plan is to go to the gym in the mornings before work 5 days a week to complete 45minutes to an hour of cardio. I then plan on using the Wii Fit to work on other areas in the evenings 6-7 days a week for at least 30 minutes. I am also currently taking a weight loss supplement (for just the first few months) to hopefully kick my weight-loss into high gear (I do not want to hear about how bad supplements are...I have done research and this is my decision).
So...this is my plan.

I hope to get down to at least 180lbs. This seems like an unobtainable number to be completely honest...I can't remember when I was down that low. That means I have 120lbs to lose. While I don't have a time limit on this (I am well aware that this is going to be a long process and a lifetime change), I do have smaller goals to help me keep moving forward when I get discouraged. My current short term goal is to be able to fit into a pair of jeans that I can purchase at a regular clothing store (i.e Target, Kohls, etc.). I have been forced to purchase jeans at plus size clothing stores for years now and I am tired of it. I currently wear a size 22/24 (depending on the jeans and the store)...I want to fit into a 16/18. I also have the goal of losing at least 30lbs by July...I am visiting family in California at that time and I hope to be a thinner version of my current self.

I will be posting charts, taking pictures, tracking my progress, and admitting setbacks. This is my journey...these are the necessary changes.