tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86721255912790436072023-06-20T21:17:55.141-07:00Necessary ChangesStephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-80616169798159854942014-06-14T21:06:00.002-07:002014-06-14T21:06:29.618-07:00One year...It has been a year since my last post...and I seem to have lost myself in that year. There have been so many struggles and surprises this year. My life got flipped on its end and it has taken me a very long time to recover. <br />
<br />
I have been really up and down with my eating and exercising. Some days I'm on it. I eat well and I even go to the gym. But there have been weeks where I have eaten exactly the way I did when I weighed 300lbs. I have had plenty of excuses and reasons for my behavior and I've had friends and family fall into line with those excuses in the hopes of showing me the love and support I needed so desperately.<br />
<br />
I am now in a place where I know I need to get myself in a good place again. Readjusting my mind frame has been difficult. I'll suceed, then make a small mistake or a stupid choice, follow it with an excuse, and repeat the cycle again. I've started to have really negative feelings toward myself again. My body image has worsened and I don't feel confident. <br />
<br />
I'm trying so hard to get back on track and to remind myself that I've lost 101 lbs so far. If I can do that, I can lose the last 40 lbs. I can't say exactly what I need to do to fix myself. I don't really know. All I know is that I am going to continue to push and work. Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-10213878190028242792013-06-29T22:22:00.001-07:002013-06-29T22:22:42.934-07:00Summer VacationTotal weight loss so far: 95.5lbs<br />
<br />
Once again...I suck at updating my blog...but I figure ya'll can just enjoy my random surprise posts. You don't want to read about my day to day activities...I'm really not that exciting.<br />
<br />
Things are nuts right now but its almost all positive! I was offered a 6th grade teaching position and I couldn't be more excited (or unbelievably nervous) about it! I have always wanted to teach and I am finally getting the opportunity! I am currently on a 6 week break and then I start my new job full time on July 29th. I was working 3 jobs for awhile and then 2...so its nice to have some time off. I have a lot of preparing to do for the school year and I am trying really hard to get my head on straight about a few things.<br />
<br />
I am both thrilled with my weight loss and disappointed that I haven't made it further in the over two years that I've been at this. I am grateful that I have never given up. I am excited that I am so close to having a one at the beginning of my weight instead of a two. I am happy to say that I can no longer wear "plus size" shirts and I can purchase pants at most regular retailers. I started my journey wearing a size 26 jean...I am currently sitting between a size 14 and 16. I am proud that I am doing this in a way that I can live with forever. This is not temporary. This has not been a quick fix. <br />
<br />
That being said...I so desperately want to be under 200lbs it almost hurts. I still struggle with making the best choices (though it does get easier as time goes on). I still have not managed to make the gym and exercise a habit. I think the exercise is what angers me the most. I still make excuses. I still find "better" things to do. I am working on it but what I wouldn't give for it to be easy.<br />
<br />
But I guess none of this has been easy. There have been happy days, miserable days, hard days, and days that I just gave up. But I know that I won't stop.<br />
<br />
My goal for my break (other than prepping for my classroom and trying not to panic about it) is to really focus on healthy choices (not just staying within my points) and really focusing on getting my exercise in check. I know that I can hit my 100lb goal by the time I go back to work if I really push myself!Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-44339190351962992552013-03-05T18:51:00.001-08:002013-03-05T18:51:15.506-08:00Hot MessI was a <strong><u><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">HOT MESS</span></u></strong> last week.<br />
<br />
I weighed myself and tracked it in my WW tracker but honestly...I do not want to post it.<br />
<br />
All I can say is, I am back on track and moving forward. I hit the gym today and look forward to it the rest of the week.<br />
<br />
That is all.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-56025053584683761892013-02-19T18:29:00.001-08:002013-02-19T18:29:24.400-08:00Weigh In 2/18/13Weight loss this week: 1.1 lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 88.7 lbs<br />
<br />
I am thrilled that I lost because I struggled this week.<br />
<br />
I had two days of over-indulgence...Valentine's Day being absolutely awful. I reverted to fat kid status and heavily indulged in pizza and bread sticks and cinnamon sticks and ice cream. Bad news.<br />
<br />
Top that off with only 2 days at the gym...I thought I was done for.<br />
<br />
I am hoping that I have a better week. I had a lapse of judgement with some donuts yesterday (I had the day off and...well...bad news bears) but I did well outside of that and today was good too. I am worried about the gym...I didn't go yesterday or today. I will find a way to exercise tomorrow but it may not be the gym (I have book club right after work so it'll depend on what time that ends). I will also make sure I go Thursday and Friday at least.<br />
<br />
I really would like to be down 90lbs when I go to California on the 1st. That only leaves me with really one week to hit that...I need to lose 1.3lbs by Monday...so we'll see what happens. I just think it would be amazing to see my family and tell them that I've lost 90lbs! Last time I saw all of them, I was down 50lbs...almost double that is pretty sweet.<br />
<br />
I'm just continuing to push through and work to not allow bad moments to derail me completely.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-4440947354982550222013-02-12T20:43:00.001-08:002013-02-12T20:43:27.871-08:00Weigh In 2/11/13Weight loss this week: 1.1 lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 87.6 lbs<br />
<br />
I am super excited that I lost this week. I didn't hit the gym at all with the exception of meeting with the trainer (which didn't really count as exercising so much as designing my plan). I was on point for the most part throughout the week with food and I am thrilled that I continue inching closer to my goal.<br />
<br />
I am only 11.5 lbs away from being under 200 lbs and I am so anxious. I am obviously excited...but I am also quite nervous. I honestly have no clue how long its been since I was under 200 lbs. I feel like I'm becoming a totally different person and I am worried people will respond negatively towards that. Which is so silly...because I have THE MOST supportive family and friends out there!!! I think such big changes, even when they are over time, can be scary and I'm starting to feel the effects.<br />
<br />
Either way...I am still pushing and still moving forward. Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-80969841839991489192013-02-05T19:36:00.001-08:002013-02-05T19:36:42.697-08:00Weigh In 2/4/13Weight loss this week: 1.8 lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 86.5 lbs<br />
<br />
I lost...and I'm happy. I hit the gym 3 days last week and did pretty well with eating. I didn't track the party and I know I probably went over on points but thankfully I had the majority of my weeklies left and I was good the rest of the week.<br />
<br />
I scheduled an appointment with a personal trainer at my gym for tomorrow night. I have a weight lifting program but I'm really not happy with it. I don't like using weight machines and I'd like to learn some exercises that incorporate weights and toning throughout the whole body. So I'm hopeful that the meeting tomorrow will help push me to incorporate more than just cardio into my routine.<br />
<br />
I have had some pretty amazing compliments from people this week. My dad expressed how impressed he is with how much weight I've lost and I've had multiple co-workers and friends comment on the way I look. It reminds me that, while I may not have made it as far as I initially wanted, I have made a lot of progress. I've never given up...I've never walked away. I may have fallen down more times than I can count but I have always gotten back up again. I will continue to push because I know I can do this.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-43560979715053389952013-01-29T20:29:00.002-08:002013-01-29T20:29:48.025-08:00Weigh In 1/28/13Weight loss this week: <span style="color: red;">+.3lbs</span><br />
<span style="color: black;">Total weight loss so far: 84.7lbs</span><br />
<br />
"The scale does not define me...the scale does not define me..."<br />
<br />
Damn I wanted to lose this week! But I am NOT going to let this define me or my week. I did well with my eating...tracked and ate healthy. I exercised 4 days last week...only 2 days at the gym but walks at night 2 other days. So...instead of letting this minor gain defeat me, I am going to remind myself that I am on a positive path and I acted in a positive manner.<br />
<br />
I do have wonder if I am in the middle of a cycle of minor gains then large losses. I won't lie...I am crossing my fingers that I will lose big next week. Because if I look back...I gained .4lbs two weeks ago, then lost 4lbs, then had another small gain this week. So <em>maybe </em>there is a pattern.<br />
<br />
I am determined to get in 5 full days of exercise this week. I went for a short walk yesterday because I had a migraine after work. But I hit the gym tonight and I plan on doing so the rest of the week. I did have a slight incident with some homemade cheddar biscuits (damn it, why do I have to be in love with an aspiring cook?!) last night but I am going to stay on point and be extra careful the rest of the week. I am a little nervous for the weekend though. I am meeting a friend for breakfast on Saturday morning and I need to make smart choices and not give in to indulgences. I also am having a party on Saturday night...and parties tend to be difficult for me. Luckily, I'm hosting so I am going to make sure that the snacks and appetizers I prepare are healthy and countable...I just have to watch the wine and the grazing.<br />
<br />
Overall, I'm proud of myself for staying on track the last few weeks. I know I will continue on this positive path and only continue to work harder.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-46312890326578955112013-01-21T08:59:00.001-08:002013-01-21T08:59:43.989-08:00Weigh In 1/21/13Weight loss this week: 4lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 85lbs<br />
<br />
Thank God!! I am so unbelievably grateful for this loss!<br />
<br />
I did well throughout the week with food. I did have a few indulgences over the weekend (my mom was in town and we went out for dinner one night and ice cream the other) but I am extremely proud of the way I handled them. I made sure that I had enough points to cover my cheeseburger and fries for dinner and I opted for low fat frozen yogurt over full fat ice cream. I am thrilled at my choices and control this week.<br />
<br />
Exercise was iffy...I went on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was rough day and I ended up spending the evening with Kyle and his family. My mom came to town on Thursday evening and I wound up not hitting the gym as planned. But at least I went twice and my eating was on point.<br />
<br />
The new week has started and I plan on having just as good (if not better) of a week with food and increase my number of workouts!Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-40414852322456503312013-01-14T08:35:00.002-08:002013-01-14T08:35:37.048-08:00Utterly disappointed...Weight loss this week: <span style="color: red;">+.4 lbs</span><br />
<span style="color: black;">Total weight loss so far: 81 lbs</span><br />
<br />
For the first time in a really long time, I don't know why this happened.<br />
<br />
I didn't binge...I stayed on point...I tracked everything...I even went to the gym 3 days. So why did I gain?! Yes, I consumed a larger portion of my weekly points than normal (I had a few drinks at Kyle's holiday party last Monday and that cost me 17 points) but I also earned more activity points than I have in months. I even did some weight lifting one day last week! <br />
<br />
I know I can't let this upset me...I know that this is part of the process...but damn am I disappointed. I really believed that I would step on the scale this week and be proud of myself for having a week of positive change. <br />
<br />
I am not really sure what I need to change...maybe more exercise...maybe watch what kinds of food I'm consuming (even if its within my points). I am going to try really hard to stay positive, stay motivated, and stay on track...Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-26711368900539287072013-01-11T22:26:00.002-08:002013-01-11T22:26:32.090-08:00Biggest LoserWeight loss 12/31/12: <span style="color: red;">+3.5 lbs</span><br />
<span style="color: black;">Weight loss 1/7/13: .4 lbs</span><br />
Total weight loss so far: 81.4 lbs<br />
<br />
I will quickly address the weigh in information above. The 3.5lb gain was disappointing but not surprising. I had spent two full weeks eating terribly. I was a little bummed because I was completely on point from 12/31-1/7 but only saw a small loss. I didn't work out which I am sure played a part. But I won't beat myself up because a loss is a loss...<br />
<br />
Now...on to the reason I felt like blogging tonight...<br />
<br />
I decided to watch the first episode of the new season of The Biggest Loser. Now, I have seen this show before and can never decide how I feel about it. I have had friends and family tell me how inspiring it is to them or how motivated it must make me feel. Unfortunately...it has neither an inspiring or motivational effect on me...<br />
<br />
The show frustrates me. I mean, don't get me wrong, what these people accomplish is amazing. They drop such a large amount of weight in such a short period of time and it is incredible. But honestly, I find myself more annoyed with the pity and tears and the unrealistic concepts of the show. As they announced who would be chosen to participate this season, I realized that I weighed more when I started Weight Watchers than ANY of the women chosen. The men weigh significantly more but I found it odd that all of the women were under 300lbs. I am not in any way saying that a woman should weigh that much...I just don't know that they properly display the level of obesity that women can hit. <br />
<br />
I hate how sorry these people feel for themselves. I have had my fair share of pity parties and have shed more than enough tears about my weight and body image. But these people whine and cry about how <u><em>hard</em></u> the workouts are...how stressful it is to be on the show. Well, NO SHIT?! What the hell did you expect. This show has been on for 14 seasons...were you living under a rock? Did you legitimately believe that shedding 20lbs in a week was going to be easy? Give me a damn break!!<br />
<br />
I also don't appreciate the unrealistic display of exercise and diet. Sure...anyone could lose weight if they lived in isolation, eating only what a nutritionist approved, and had time to work out multiple times a day for hours on end. But lets be honest...who has that in real life? I have to face the world, restaurants, friends, parties, and the grocery store. I have to purchase my food. I have to work full time and find time to get to the gym while balancing my other responsibilities. I am not complaining or trying to emphasize how hard my life is...because its not. Yes, I have to work hard to make positive choices. But I don't feel underprivileged or at a disadvantage. <br />
<br />
I think what I would love to see are people losing weight in a realistic and positive manner. Being taught how to eat and work out in the ways that a normal person has to learn. Learn how to find time to work out or choose the right kinds of food on my own or by doing my own research. I want to watch someone struggle with making healthy choices when eating out with friends instead of choosing to give in to the appetizers and margaritas. It may not be as entertaining or dramatic...but it would be real.<br />
<br />
I am going to step off my soapbox now and reiterate that I am not attempting to downplay any person's accomplishments with weight loss. I didn't post this so someone can argue with me about how negative I am and how inspirational these people are (if you are inspired by The Biggest Loser...fantastic! Take that inspiration and run with it...my opinion just doesn't line up with yours). I just need to remind myself that I am not a failure for taking over a year and a half to lose 80lbs. I am learning to live and learning to choose to be a healthier and happier person.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-73980997128076555172012-12-30T20:42:00.003-08:002012-12-30T20:42:43.433-08:00Re-committed...again...Months on Weight Watchers: 19<br />
Total weight loss as of 12/17/12: 84.5lbs<br />
<br />
Okay...so I really hate to look at this as a New Years resolution...I honestly have never bought into those and I feel like they get forgotten by February.<br />
<br />
I also realize that I have posted a few "re-commitment" blogs and for that, I am slightly ashamed. 2012 was not by best year. I had some ups and downs, especially with my weight. I would do well for a few days or even a few weeks, but I always sabotaged myself. I'm not really sure where the lax attitude came from...I do know that I have finally recognized a few internal hurdles that I must overcome if I'm going to be successful long-term.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>First...I legitimately MISS eating whatever I want. I love food...and I love food that is bad for me. I love fast food and junk food and alcohol. Years of eating as much as I pleased of anything that I wanted has created an unhealthy mindset about eating. </li>
<li>Second...I make more excuses for my own bad behavior than acceptable.</li>
<li>Third...I do not LIKE the gym or exercise. I wanted to pretend that I did...but I don't. Its a chore to me. </li>
<li>Fourth...I allow the outside world and friends to influence my choices. I know that they aren't making any suggestions or pulling me in any one direction to be malicious. I allow my self to be persuaded.</li>
<li>Fifth (and last)...I beat myself up for mistakes instead of just focusing on changing my behavior.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
Now...here is the re-commitment part (and I know you have heard this before but writing it out helps me feel like its real and accountable)...<br />
<br />
Starting 12/31/12, I am back on Weight Watchers full force with no excuses. I WILL weigh and measure EVERYTHING for every snack and every meal. <br />
<br />
I will accept my mistakes for what they are...mistakes. I will move forward from them and take honest steps towards not making the same mistakes more than once.<br />
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I will stop mourning my inability to eat crap whenever I want. Instead, I will look at my lifestyle change as something positive and take steps to truly enjoy food that is healthy for me (while allowing moderate and measured indulgences on occasion).<br />
<br />
I will go to the gym or get at least 30 minutes of exercise in 5 days a week. I will just suck it up. There may not be a huge revelation or change of heart about the gym and I need to accept that. But I also need to accept that exercise is necessary.<br />
<br />
I am done making excuses. I am done panicking about having to step on the scale on Mondays. I am done avoiding my blog for fear of judgement of my slip-ups and poor choices.<br />
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Here is to a new day...a new year...and continued positive changes...<br />
Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-39719377459869669112012-09-23T20:54:00.001-07:002012-09-23T20:54:58.494-07:00Fallen Off The WagonWeight loss so far: 76.2 lbs<br />
<br />
Okay...so maybe "fallen" is giving myself too much credit. Its more like I <i>jumped</i> off the wagon head first into the hard impact of old habits.<br />
<br />
I have lost focus, made so many excuses, and I have really started to see my weight loss suffer. I continue to go up and down...continue to see losses but unfortunately they are far between the gains that have reared their ugly heads. I am disappointed with myself and frustrated that I have been participating in Weight Watchers for 1.5 years and I still haven't hit my 100lb loss.<br />
<br />
So this is my renewed commitment.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I am going to start participating in the Weight Watchers program with fidelity and honesty again.</li>
<li>I am going to stop making excuses and "guestimating".</li>
<li>I am going to make choices that are good for me and my body.</li>
<li>I am going to stop allowing myself to be swayed by the outside world and its influences.</li>
<li>I am going to make a commitment to go to the gym a minimum of 3 times a week.</li>
<li>I am going to hit my 100lb goal by January 2013.</li>
</ul>
<div>
No more bullshit. No more guilt. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know I can do this. I've done it before and I'll do it again. I am making a life change. This is not a punishment but a promise to live well and be healthy and happy.</div>
Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-25780617564400570482012-07-02T20:49:00.000-07:002012-07-02T20:55:14.958-07:00Past months...Total weight loss so far: 73.2 lbs<br />
<br />
Well, I've clearly been severly neglecting my blog. Do I have an excuse? Absolutely not. But enough of that...<br />
<br />
Things have been up and down...week by week I struggle and succeed. I have been getting off track more often than I'd like to admit. I'll do really well during the week but then the weekends hit and I fall off. I snack and don't track. I make excuses for "guesstimating". I just stop really focusing on what is good for me. <br />
<br />
I have also been struggling with the gym...still. I have maintained my membership and I still go generally at least once a week. But its been almost 2 months since I've been more than 3 times in a week. I'm not sure why my motivation wanes so easily. I wish I were one of those people who channel their emotions into exercise but I haven't found a way to do that yet. When I'm angry or upset...I want to be alone, pout, and eat. I wish I knew how to change that desire into one for exercise. My boyfriend did just find a job that will require him to work nights. I find that I often make excuses for not going to the gym because I want to spend time with him. I'm hoping that the knowledge of him not being home will help me eliminate the excuses I have to skip the gym. I know its a process...I just wish it all came naturally to me.<br />
<br />
Despite it all, I have still managed to lose weight. I just need to really refocus myself and stop allowing the excuses. That is what got me to such a high weight in the first place.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-73053443352542204922012-02-28T11:49:00.000-08:002012-02-28T11:49:36.893-08:00Weigh In #44 and #45Weight loss week #44: .4lbs<br />
Weight loss this week: 2.7 lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 60.7 lbs<br />
<br />
Well, I finally made it out of the 50lb loss range which is exciting. I was getting a bit discouraged because I had been working so hard at the gym but seeing such small losses. This week definitely made up for it.<br />
<br />
I only went to the gym 3 days last week...not where I would like to be but things got in the way. I plan on doing at least 4 this week (I took yesterday off from work and didn't muster up the motivation to hit the gym but I may try on Saturday after meeting a friend for lunch). <br />
<br />
Overall, things are going well. I really need new pants but am poor. My black slacks fall down every few feet and I only have one pair of jeans that even sort of fit still. Hopefully I can find something cheap soon.<br />
<br />
Don't have anything else exciting for now...Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-70216441666354068682012-02-13T19:49:00.000-08:002012-02-13T19:49:53.455-08:00Weight in #43Weight loss this week: .2 lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 57.6 lbs<br />
<br />
I'm bummed...<br />
<br />
I know I'm probably retaining water. I know I could possibly be gaining muscle and muscle weighs more than fat (though I find this unlikely this early in the game). I know it is still a loss so I should be happy.<br />
<br />
But I'm bummed...<br />
<br />
I feel like I've been hovering in this 50 lb range for months...oh wait...its because I HAVE!!! I know these things happen...I know I need to stick with it...and I know that working out is going to help me shed the weight faster in the long run. I just feel like I'm working my butt off and being relatively good (not always the best choices but I always count everything and stay within my points...I didn't even use my activity points) and not really seeing the results.<br />
<br />
Oh well...I have a new week ahead and I will just keep truckin'...Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-10350719351861532742012-02-07T16:10:00.000-08:002012-02-07T16:10:35.017-08:00Weigh In #42Total weight loss this week: .5 lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 57.4 lbs<br />
<br />
So things are going well...the weight isn't coming off as fast as I would like but I know that it is a process and there will be tough and slow times. But I'm pushing through and am pretty proud of my progress.<br />
<br />
Eating has been going well. I've found some new "low" point snacks that have helped me mix up my lunches. I am fallen in love with Parmesean Goldfish, Pretzel Thins, and Wheat Thin Flatbread crackers. They are all 2-3 points per serving and its nice to mix it up a bit. I've also found a few things to help break away from sandwiches and tuna. I love Progresso Light soups...I can eat the whole can of a few of them for 2-4 points and they are super filling. I also like the Healthy Choice Steamers every now and then. I don't want to rely on soups or frozen meals because they do tend to be higher in sodium but every now and then, its nice to mix it up!<br />
<br />
The gym is going well. I went 3 days last week...not the 5 like I had planned but I'm still happy. I went Monday and Tuesday to do cardio. Wednesday I got caught up in running errands after work with Kyle and by the time we were done it was 9:30 so I didn't go then. Thursday was my personal training session...I'll talk more about that in a minute. Friday I skipped because we got over a foot of snow and there was no way I was going to venture out when I didn't have to go to work!<br />
<br />
Back to my personal training...it was really good! I really liked the guy I met with. We talked a little about my background and he said he could tell I was enthusiastic. He also said that he was going to push me...and he did!! He showed me how to do the exercises with the dumb bells and cables. He didn't show me the machines because I am familiar and they are pretty self explanatory. He laid out exactly what I should be doing every day and I started yesterday. Though...after training with him on Thursday I was so unbelievably sore! My muscles have NEVER felt like that and I was in pain until Sunday night! I'm still sore and I've come to accept that I probably will continue to be sore for the next few weeks. I do 45 minutes of cardio and then 45 minutes of weights (except on my leg days, I do an hour of cardio). <br />
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Yesterday went okay...I did all the exercises but I didn't do as well as I had hoped. He wants me to do 3 sets of 15-20 per exercise. I tried...so hard...but I was at the point when my arms wouldn't lift the weights anymore. My arms were shaking and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do more. I did everything but not nearly 3 sets. It really bummed me out because I want to do this so badly. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself...I have never in my life exercised this much or lifted weights so naturally my body is going to struggle in the beginning. I just desperately want to get in shape. <br />
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I get excited going to the gym now and I'm creating the habit of going straight after work. Its hard to adjust to being home and cooking dinner so late but I know it will become natural in time.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-82431916690711554532012-01-30T19:33:00.000-08:002012-01-30T19:33:20.238-08:00Weigh In #40 & #41Weigh In #40 weight loss: 2.9 lbs<br />
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Weight loss this week: 0 lbs<br />
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Total weight loss so far: 56.9 lbs<br />
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So things have been better...still not amazing but better. I was really happy with my weigh in #40...it was nice to have a large loss after a gain. This week was a little disappointing considering I was pretty good all week. I think my downfall was Sunday. I had almost all my weekly points left and I just hung out at home and snacked. I tracked everything and I was way within my points but I think eating so much the day/night before my weigh in was a bad idea.<br />
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On a very positive note, I joined Planet Fitness on Friday evening. I decided to go for it and I found the money because I knew it was necessary for my health and my continued weight loss. I went for the first time tonight and it was really good. I was proud of myself because for the first time, I didn't allow myself to make excuses for myself. I went saying I would do 30 minutes walking on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical. The first 15 minutes of the treadmill were easy. Then I got on the elliptical and after 15 minutes I thought I was going to die. I started to form excuses in my head but I shut myself down and pushed through the whole 30 minutes. I finished off with a 15 minute walk on the treadmill. It felt great to stick with my plan. I have my personal trainer meeting on Thursday evening and I'm excited to learn how to optimize my gym time and work out my whole body properly. But until then, I plan on repeating the workout I did tonight.<br />
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I am pooped and ready for bed but psyched to get moving on this new leg of my journey!Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-32082977208735916172012-01-16T20:05:00.000-08:002012-01-16T20:05:49.853-08:00Weigh In #39Total weight loss this week: <span style="color: red;">+.4lb</span><br />
<span style="color: black;">Total weight loss so far: 54.1 lbs</span><br />
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So this was a bit of a surprising gain...though I know why it was there. I did really well all week, making sure I got in all my GHG's and even taking my vitamin. Exercising didn't happen but my eating was on track. Well...until Saturday night. We went to Kyle's parents that night for the Broncos/Patriots game. I had two beers (which, as I've learned before, probably contributed more than I like to my weight gain) and consumed a lot of food. I had an unmeasured amount of chips, steak, and potatoes. I tried my best to track everything and it took almost all my weekly points (I had only used 8 of them before then). I did okay on Sunday and had hoped that, with enough water, I would be okay. Unfortunately, I still showed a gain.<br />
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I'm still working on feeling like I'm totally back on track. Most days, I feel good...but some days I still feel like I'm slipping. I am just trying to take it a day at a time and remember that this isn't a race but a lifelong change. <br />
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I did make a decision to join a gym as soon as I can afford it. I am going to join Planet Fitness...its only $10/month (which is really low for a gym membership) and they pride themselves on being a "judgement free gym". I've read a lot of reviews and I've decided its the best place for me. While some people criticize them for "looking down on" extremely physically fit people, I think I'll feel comfortable in a place where they welcome not-so-fit people such as myself. They don't offer some of the amenities as some of the more expensive gyms (such as group classes or a pool) but I think it is a good start for me. I am not ready for group classes...I'm far to self conscious still. While I would love to do them eventually (I want to do Zumba and yoga), I think that is something I can build up to and when my comfort level is there, I'll find a gym that fits. I really wish I could go and join today but unfortunately I can't afford the fee (its only $40 for the sign up fee and first month but things are REALLY tight right now). I'm praying I can afford it when I get paid...I don't want to wait til my tax refund...but I fear I may have to. <br />
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I'm trying to remain positive...trying to remind myself that I'm losing at the best pace for me right now...and things will get better if I just really focus in. I need to stop comparing myself and my progress with others and just focus on the fact that I'm trying to get healthy for myself. I'll get there...Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-12425506043174452742012-01-10T20:49:00.000-08:002012-01-10T20:49:20.170-08:00Weigh In #38 (I think)Total weight loss this week: 2.9lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 54.5lbs<br />
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So things definitely improved after New Years was over...I got back on track with my eating and staying way within my points. For the first time in awhile I had about half of my weekly points left. Sunday I did get a little out of hand about not counting (and eating ice cream straight from the carton...whoops)...but I was still way within my weeklies and it showed on the scale.<br />
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I started back at work yesterday and it was bittersweet. I love my job but 2 weeks of being free to do what I want was wonderful! I'm actually okay with not having a normal summer break because I don't know how I'd handle coming back after 2.5 months off lol. It is nice to be back and getting in a routine again. My sleeping schedule is wacky because I was staying up until 2am with Kyle and sleeping in until 10:30am. But, again, its nice to get back to life. <br />
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Exercise is still a battle for me. I didn't get to the gym at all during my vacation...I just got sucked in to the relaxation. I didn't do anything yesterday because I was super exhausted after my first day back to work...I didn't go to bed until way later than normal on Sunday so when my alarm went off on Monday morning, I wanted to throw it across the room. I close on Tuesday nights, so I got home an hour later than I usually am. Kyle had dinner ready so we ate and I watched the Biggest Loser. That show both motivates me and discourages me. It makes me want to exercise but it does discourage me because these people are losing so much weight. I try and remind myself that they have a personal trainer with them 7 days a week and a nutritionist on hand and I don't have anything close to that. I would love to try and get a few sessions with a personal trainer so I could develop an exercise routine. I don't really know what I'm doing in the gym and I know that there is so much more I could be (and should be) doing at the gym other than the elliptical or treadmill. Unfortunately, I just can't afford a personal trainer. I am going to try and look around and see if I could find one for cheap for a few sessions come tax return time...but we'll see. On a positive note, I did at least get on the Wii Fit. I only did it for about 15minutes but its better than nothing. I plan on waking up early to do Zumba on the Wii and Kyle just got me the newest Zumba game so I'm excited to try it out. I've realized that I need to stop making excuses for myself because the longer I do that, the longer I'll be fat.<br />
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Here is to a positive week of good food choices and more exercise!Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-59749560725274186622012-01-02T15:45:00.000-08:002012-01-02T15:45:14.064-08:00Hellish HolidaysTotal weight loss so far: 51.6 lbs<br />
Total weight loss this week: 0 lbs<br />
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Okay, so the holidays weren't hellish...but the way I ate was! Man, I was a wreck. I would start out the week trying so hard but by the time Thursday or Friday rolled around, I was a mess!<br />
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Christmas weekend, I snacked and ate whatever I wanted. I had made cupcakes and I ate more of those than I should have (and each one was at least 10pts)! I gained about 1.3lbs my weigh in after Christmas. Then I started my winter vacation...two weeks off and I was super psyched. Again, I started the week off okay but as the days went on, it just got worse. Wednesday I went to Greeley and had sushi...lets just say that overindulgence was an understatement. I was out of bonus points by Thursday morning and I knew the week was a bust. I continued to over-indulge all weekend. Between the excessive food and alcohol on New Years Eve, I was out of luck. Luckily, when I weighed in this morning, I didn't gain anything. I think my problem was that I allowed myself to just continue to mess up. I would have a bad meal, then a bad day, and then a bad two days...after that I just stopped trying. <br />
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I don't believe in New Year resolutions...I think they are an excuse to put off good choices and they generally fall by the wayside within a month or two. So I am not going to say that me resolution is to get back on track. I am getting back on track because I know its time to and I've had 8 months of steady weight loss that I'm pretty proud of. I am going to get on track with my eating and work on my exercising. I am currently involved in a sort of weight loss competition and I'm hoping that will help boost my motivation a little bit. I know I won't let the holidays derail me completely and I'm excited to start losing again.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-63429886579618400462011-12-18T14:07:00.000-08:002011-12-18T14:07:10.622-08:00Lots to update...Man, I didn't realize its been over a month since I posted an update...I'll try and give as much information as I can...<br />
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Total weight loss so far: 51.9 lbs<br />
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I hit my 50 lb lost mark two weeks before I went on vacation. I was thrilled! I didn't think I was going to do it and it was a total surprise. I treated myself to a hair cut and felt really good. Then things went downhill...<br />
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The week before vacation, I was sort of bad when it came to food. I did a lot of snacking and indulging at work. Then I went out to dinner with Shannon and Nicole and wound up eating a buffalo chicken sandwich, fries, ranch, and drinking some very fruity (and high calorie) drinks. I had a blast and, while I considered not doing so, I tracked everything. I weighed in at my mom's house (because we were leaving early on Tuesday) and managed to lose .9 lbs so I was relieved...I didn't want to have a gain two weeks in a row.<br />
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So we left for vacation...and my eating went to hell. I didn't even PRETEND to try. I was eating fast food, fried food, sweets, drinking alcohol, and not measuring a single thing. Even my pre-measured snacks for the road trip didn't help. I knew that I would struggle but I had hoped I would have a little more will power. I don't regret any of it...I had an amazing time and enjoyed every bit. But I thought I would have had some more internal control by now. When I got back and weighed in, I was up 5 pounds...not my proudest moment.<br />
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Since being back (about 3 weeks now), I have been losing but struggling to really stay on track. I've slipped back into not weighing and measuring everything and I have been snacking at work (and even at home) more than I should. I have slowly been improving and working on holding myself accountable, even when I'm ashamed of my eating habits. I try and go back and track everything because when I neglect my tracker I feel even more guilty. Thankfully, the holidays are almost over so I'm hoping some of the temptation will go away. <br />
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I'm just trying really hard to get re-focused and remember why I am doing this. I don't want to be over 200lbs for the rest of my life...I'd really like to be close to my goal weight by this time next year. So I need to go back, review my plan, and stop making excuses and justifications. I know what I need to do...just got to kick my own butt in gear...Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-36942730969204463382011-11-06T18:34:00.000-08:002011-11-06T18:34:56.931-08:00Long time...So I know its been almost a month since my last post...I have no excuse other than a heavy work load and lack of motivation.<br />
An update on the lost pounds...I'm down 47.2 lbs. A bit disappointed that I haven't hit my 50 lb mark yet. But I have no one to blame but myself.<br />
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I've fallen off the wagon...okay, scratch that...I'm still on the wagon but I'm hanging off the edge and my feet are dragging on the ground. I have been doing to many things that I know I shouldn't and I've gotten fed up with myself. My snacking has been out of control. Not only have I been indulging in unmeasured and non-counted chocolate and chips at work but I have also been grazing like crazy at home. If I'm waiting for dinner to cook or trying to decide what to make, I'll grab a cracker here, a few chips there, some almonds, and maybe even some pepperoni without tracking any of it. I've gone back to eating a lot of processed and junk food. There have been many Taco Bell evenings...even a night of McDonald's (during which I didn't even consider WW...lets just say my meal was only -10 from what I get for the WHOLE DAY!). Chips, boxed pasta/mac&cheese, cookies, and candy have taken over my snacking. My fruit and veggie intake has decreased. Its just not pretty.<br />
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My weight loss has slowed (I've been under 1 lb per week for the last 4 weeks) and my satisfaction with myself has decreased. But I know I can recommit and do this. I've spent the last hour or so re-reading some of the WW plan materials that you receive when you first join. I'm re-committing myself to making my lunches and stop the grazing and snacking without tracking. I am going to work on going to the gym and really push hard to get back on track. I can't let myself fall off now...the holidays are going to be tough and I'm determined to go into them strong minded and motivated.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-20033342928621530942011-10-10T16:57:00.000-07:002011-10-10T16:57:06.354-07:00Weigh-In #23 (I think...)Weight loss this week: .4 lbs<br />
Total weight loss so far: 45.9 lbs<br />
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So I lost again this week...which makes me happy. I didn't over indulge too much on the most amazing Italian food I've ever tasted which makes me even happier. And stress at work is slowly decreasing which, again, makes me happy.<br />
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I did have a brief lapse of not caring about counting this weekend...really it was only with these strangly addicting Jalepeno and Monterey Jack Sun Chips. I've had them previously but for some reason, this weekend, they were irresistable. So I had a few more servings than I put in my tracker...but I still stayed within my weekly points so I'm ok.<br />
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Things are going ok...planning on trying to get into a workout routine again...fingers crossed...Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-58533957639469544482011-10-03T19:37:00.000-07:002011-10-03T19:37:43.442-07:00Getting back on track...So a few updates on weight...<br />
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Last weigh-in (the 23rd) I had gained a pound. Weigh in today, I was down 3.7lbs...putting me at a total of 45.5lbs lost so far. Only 4.5lbs til I hit my 50lb mark...and I can't wait! <br />
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Things have been a little out of control. The week of the mud run wasn't exactly as healthy as I would have liked and I think I may have been retaining some water after the 5K (hence the 1 lb gain). And while I had a significant loss this week, I haven't been as on top of my eating as I like to be.<br />
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Work was causing some serious stress and, in turn, some poor eating choices (not that I can blame my choices on my job). It was count week and having 50+ students by myself was outrageously overwhelming. Between the stress and the constant presence of junk food at the office (and the lack of time to really eat lunch), I resorted to a lot of fast food and too much snacking. Friday was probably one of the worst days. It was our official count day and I was literally working with my team in the office until midnight. We were fed by the school all day...and my intake consisted of a banana and yogurt (not a bad breakfast), a cheeseburger and bag of Doritos, bad Italian food (pasta, bread, chicken parm, and some crap salad), Gardettos snack mix, and cookies...ouch. Thankfully, I didn't show a gain!<br />
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I was able to go grocery shopping on Saturday and picked up a lot of food for the house. I plan on really getting back on track these coming weeks. We don't have the money to eat out this month so that will really cut out the fast food intake. My only concern is that Kyle's grandparents are coming to town for a few weeks. I'm really excited to meet them...and I'm really excited to try his grandmother's cooking (think legit Italian food from a legit Sicilian lol)...but I don't think my weight will be too psyched. I'm just going to try really hard to watch my portions and not go over there starving.<br />
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Fingers crossed that reduced work stress will help me get on track.Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8672125591279043607.post-15363874571064431612011-09-24T21:06:00.000-07:002011-09-24T21:06:21.761-07:00Dirty Girl Mud RunSo...before I get into the mud run...I realize I haven't posted weigh-in updates in two weeks. Since my last post, I've lost 1.5lbs putting my total weight loss at 42.6lbs. I'll try and get better about posting weekly again.<br />
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Moving on...today was the Dirty Girl Mud Run. I was unprepared...I was nervous...but I am so grateful that Beth pushed me to do it!<br />
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Our wave left the starting line at 11:45am. The first thing that comes up was the hay-bale climb. From far away, it looked like no big deal...but once you got right up to it, it was definitely huge. But I was able to complete that with little to no problem. Right after that was the tube crawl. Then came the water pit...first chance to get dirty! The water was cold and it was weird to walk with squishy shoes but it was fun. Next was the high leg tires...I did it slowly because I have short legs and am far from coordinated. The next was one of my favorites...the mud hill climb and descent. They had ropes that you held to try and climb up. The first one, I fell and slid down on my belly. But I got back up and completed it. Going down was fun...slide down on your butt and wind up in a mud pit at the end...totally dirty! The second one I was able to complete easier. The mud up the butt was a little unpleasant...but I sure was grateful I didn't wear shorts lol. We came to the hanging tires next...that was pretty simple. Then the net crawl...the first one you walked under and just lifted the net...the next one required you to crawl. Next was the wall...this was the only obstacle I skipped. I was a little sad to skip it but it was really scary and I just couldn't get over it. The second to last obstacle was the cargo net climb...oh man was that thing TALL! I was terrified...shaking and having a tough time catching my breath. I almost didn't do it...but thanks to Beth and some other awesome ladies, I managed to conquer it! And finally...there was the mud pit...it was more like water but it was and awesome way to end it none the less.<br />
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I am now home...sunburned...exhausted...sore...and totally thrilled that I did it! It was so much fun and I couldn't have picked a better partner to get me through it! I walked the whole way...but I made it and that is all that matters! I definitely plan on doing it again next year and I will be recruiting more people :)Stephhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03108356217959094595noreply@blogger.com2