Embarking on a new journey...

So...as we all know...my exercise habits have not been up to par. I find excuses and I lack motivation (which is quite possibly the understatement of the year). But I do WANT to be more active. Really...I do! I am tired a lot and I know that regular activity will boost my energy. It will also help my weight loss and make my body look significantly better.

So...how do I find the motivation?

Well, I think I may have found...well, not a solution...but something that will kick my butt into gear.

I am (if I get up the guts) going to be entering into the Dirty Girl Mud Run.

The Dirty Girl Mud Run is a 5K challenge that will take place on September 26th. It is not only a 5K (3.2 miles seems challenging enough) but it also includes 10 obstacles. All the proceeds go towards breast cancer research which is even cooler. To read more about it or view the course you can visit the website at: http://www.godirtygirl.com/. Sounds both super fun and extremely terrifying!

A friend of mine, Carla, actually posted about it on our dear friend Facebook. I love dirty fun challenges and I have always been interested in being involved with something like this but have never been in shape or ballsy enough. After really thinking about and looking at the track over and over again...I have decided I am going to try and do it!

There are a lot of pros and cons to this plan of mine...

Happy Things

• There is no time involved...no time limit...no race...just good ole' dirty fun.
• It is designed for "women of all fitness levels" (not sure that I fit into any fitness level at the moment but I hope to soon enough).
• It would be extremely rewarding to know that I completed a 5K.
• The obstacles are "optional"...I can skip any that I feel uncomfortable with (though I don't want to skip).
• I would be doing this with other people who are working towards weight loss goals too, making it less likely that I will feel like I'm holding my team back.
• Mud! Enough said :)

Scary Things

• Can you say 5K!?!
• It costs $65 to register...I don't have $65...I may be looking for sponsors...
• Wall climb obstacle...I am TERRIFIED of climbing things, jumping from things, and high things...not sure about this.
• I don't know if I've ever gone 3.2 miles at one time.
• I only have 11 weeks to train...and I'll be on vacation for one of those.
• I'm a wimp...and just plain nervous...

I think I've determined that the happy things outweigh the good even though the scary things seem to be at the front of my mind more often. But I really want to do this and I believe this could be the kick in the pants that I have so desperately been needing.

To prepare for this, I am going to start a program called Couch To 5K. You can get the program for free (or pay the $19.95 for the full thing but I don't have a smart phone so I don't need it) online. It basically trains you from being a couch potato to being capable of running a 5K in only 9 weeks. It is a set of 30 minute exercises, 3 days a week. Nothing outrageous...but steady and challenging...just what I need. I'm also enlisting a co-worker for some strength training tips as he just did the Tough Mudder (a 10 mile, Marine style, WAY more difficult version of Dirty Girl).

So...here goes nothing...I start C25K on Monday...wish me luck...

Weigh-In #10

Weight loss this week: 3.3 lbs
Total weight loss so far: 26.5 lbs

So I am absolutely thrilled about my weigh-in this week! I'm only 3.5lbs away from my 30lb goal and I can't wait to hit that! I wanted to get there by July 18th which leaves me with 3 more weeks. So as long as I can lose, I should hit it with no problem. And then I get to go have my hair cut!! Woot!!

I was at my parents' house this weekend and had a nice time visiting with them and my grandparents. I was worried about my food intake (even though my family is aware of my WW involvement) but it actually went really well. I packed a wrap for dinner for the drive on Friday so there was no temptation to stop for fast food. Saturday I didn't really eat breakfast (I had a banana) but I made a chicken sandwich and some carrots and hummus for lunch. We went and saw Mr. Popper's Penguins and I managed to resist the tub of popcorn that my mom got (though it smelled delicious). I did allow myself a treat and got a bag of M&M's at the grocery story beforehand. I only ate about half the bag (which turned out to be 2 servings...I got a "share it" bag I guess) but I was still proud because I previously could have eaten a giant bag without even thinking. We went to Tequilas for dinner and I ordered chicken fajitas and a light beer (everyone else got margaritas). I got corn tortillas and I didn't touch the rice or beans. I had 3 tortillas and ate the chicken and veggies with some salsa and a tiny bit of sour cream (not even a tablespoon total). The food was okay (really really oily) but I was proud of my choices. I didn't get all my GHG's in either of those days but I was actually under points.

Yesterday I did really well too...I had eggs scrambled with veggies and laughing cow cheese for breakfast. Some almonds for a snack (and another serving of M&M's) and a grilled cheese and turkey sandwich for lunch. For dinner I made the BBQ Turkey Joes again (quick and easy) with sauteed zucchini and squash and roasted red potatoes. SUPER filling dinner. I then made a "milkshake" for dessert...frozen bananas, milk, and chocolate syrup.

I am attempting to recommit myself to working out this week. But instead of saying I'll do all 5 days and then being really disappointed in myself, I am committing to at least 2 days (I'm going to try for more) and then I'll up the days as I go. I really need to get into the working out routine. Eating better is important but I need to get off my ass and move. I've been so tired lately and I know that working out will give me more energy.

Here's to another hopeful week!

Super busy week...

This week has been nuts! I feel like I don't have time to breathe, let alone run errands or spend time with Kyle or friends...

I started my new tutoring job on Monday evening. I go every night from 8pm-9pm and tutor a 5 year old in reading and writing. It is an okay gig...doesn't pay much but it's extra money and the kid really needs the help. I'm not sure his parents know just how far behind he really is...and I'm not sure how to tell them. I just hope the work I do with him this summer will at least put him on an okay track for 1st grade.

I worked out on Monday morning and swore to myself that I would do it everyday this week...and like past weeks...I failed. Tuesday and Wednesday I had some early morning "meetings" (hopefully there will be more on that later this week or early next week) that would have required me to get up at 5:30am to do Zumba. I'm sorry...but I just don't function that early. I was going to get up and do it today but I woke up with a migraine...potentially from the lawn care people mowing and weed-whacking right outside my window at 6am! I plan on at least trying to get it done tomorrow morning so I can say I did more this week than last.

I have done really well with food this week. I have eaten low amounts of overly processed food and really taken to trying to get in veggies and well balanced meals. Since discovering that I can make delicious, low-point ranch dip from yogurt and ranch mix, I have been eating a lot more raw veggies which is really good. I actually need to replenish my refrigerator but I am waiting until Sunday or Monday to do so since I'll be out of town this weekend.

I have made two pretty kick ass meals this week. It is hard to cook now considering I only have an hour from when I get home from work til I have to leave for tutoring and then I don't get home until almost 9:30pm. So I can try to make something quickly (which is hard when you are trying to stay healthy), make dinner when I get home and not eat until after 10:30pm (which is usually when I try to get in bed), or make Kyle do prep (which is okay but I like cooking). But we're making it work. Monday I make BBQ Turkey Joes...basically its ground turkey, BBQ sauce, and cayenne pepper...I put them on the huge whole wheat hamburger buns...they were so good! Kyle wanted me to make them again last night! Tuesday we just did whatever (I had leftovers, Kyle had cereal). Yesterday, thanks to Kyle doing 95% of the work, we had baked turkey chimichangas. Ground turkey, fat free refried beans, cheese, salsa, green chilies, and spices. Cook it all together, place into flour tortillas, and bake until crispy. I had mine with some reduced fat sour cream. They were delicious and super filling. I think tonight is going to have to be another "whatever" night because we have to go to the store (Kyle needs at least one pair of pants that don't have holes all over them), I have to tutor, and then we have to clean and pack.

We're heading to Carbondale tomorrow after work to visit my parents. My mom's birthday is Saturday and my grandparents are going to be in town. So we'll spend the weekend up there. My whole family knows I'm on WW so I'm hoping eating won't be a problem. I'll just make a strong effort to make healthy choices no matter what is offered. I do have almost all my weekly points still but I don't want to dip into those more than I need to, especially with the last two weeks of crappy weigh-ins.

I know I'm on the right track and I know where I need to improve. I just need to adjust my schedule and make it work for me. I need to take the time to take care of myself.

Weigh-In #9

Weight loss this week: 0 lbs
Total weight loss so far: 23.2 lbs

Not happy but not surprised either. It was a rough week and I'm just trying to be happy that I didn't gain again. Maintaining is better than gaining.

This weekend was both a disaster and an accomplishment...

Friday night was a MESS! We forgot the hot dogs that I had purchased specially to help with my points at home...meaning I had to eat something that was less point friendly. I ended up having a hamburger and a little bit of pasta salad. Dinner wasn't too bad...but then the alcohol started kicking in. I drank 25 points (approximately...I didn't measure because...well...I have no excuse) worth of vodka and being that I don't drink much anymore, I was fairly intoxicated. Being drunk, my control over eating fluttered away for awhile. I had Sun Chips (not the worst chip for you but still, a chip) but I obviously didn't measure. Then I had a hot dog (one of Kyle's Nathans Hot Dogs...which are 8 points including the bun) at like midnight. Bad news bears. I tried my best to calculate and track my points on Saturday morning...and from what I guess-timated...I consumed approximately 58 points Friday night. Thankfully I had enough weekly points to cover it.

Saturday was okay...I was not feeling my best thanks to the copious amounts of alcohol that was ingested the night before. I had an interview for a part time tutoring position at 1pm...and I got it! So now, on top of working at ID Watchdog, I will be tutoring a 1st grade for an hour a night, 5 days a week, in reading and writing. I'm excited to get to do something that is somewhat related to my degree but it is going to be an adjustment adding an hour of work at the end of my already long days. But it is extra money and good experience so I'm sure the adjustment will be worth it. Eating on Saturday was okay...remained relatively healthy but I actually left 13 points at the end of the day because I just wasn't hungry and couldn't think of anything else to eat.

Sunday actually went significantly better than I had anticipated. I woke up early for Pride and I made myself an egg white scramble with spinach, tomatoes, onion, mushrooms, and a garlic-herb Laughing Cow cheese. I threw in some olive oil so I could check off my oil and not worry about it for the rest of the day. I was glad that I ate a good sized breakfast so I was okay until lunch time. We went to the Blue Bonnet as planned and I had an easier time making a good food choice than I thought I would. While I edited the crap out of my meal (to our waiter's dismay), I was able to eat relatively healthily. I had two plain grilled chicken tacos (no cheese, sour cream, or guacamole...it was supposed to come with grilled peppers and onions but because I took so much off, I think the cooks just assumed I wanted it plain)...I asked for corn tortillas instead of flour...and I got black beans instead of refried. When I got the meal, it had 4 tortillas but I only ate 2. I put salsa, lettuce, and a little bit of black beans and enjoyed. I didn't touch the chips or the rice and I only ate about 1/3 of the beans. I was super proud of myself. When I got home, the healthy eating continued. I had some almonds and some chips and salsa for snacks. For dinner I made a turkey wrap with some center cut bacon, light ranch, and cheese and some roasted zucchini and squash. I had a WW ice cream bar as desert and a glass of chocolate milk before bed. Overall, I did well and I am happy about that.

While I haven't been satisfied with my weigh-in results the last two weeks, it has upped my resolve a bit. I got up this morning and did my Zumba game after I weighed myself. I am going to make sure that I continue to get some regular exercise and work the plan the way I'm supposed to. I know that if I keep at it, the weight will continue to fall off...I just hope I can hit my 30lb goal before July 20th!

Emotional Eating

The dreaded emotional eater in me has come out to play this week...

I've been working really hard to keep her suppressed and move forward without allowing her to rear her ugly head but unfortunately...she got the best of me this week.

Tuesday night...I had Taco Bell. It had been a really really bad evening and by the time I even thought about dinner it was 10pm. I had plenty of points and even after gorging on two burritos, I still had 3 points left over. But I didn't get my GHG's in for the day (I was missing dairy and oils...the most difficult for me to get in) and when I was finished I felt like hell. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, and I was generally unhappy. The emotional eating didn't do its job...

Wednesday was another rough day...and while my work day was okay in terms of food choices, it went down the drain at night. It was Kyle's birthday and we went to his parents' for dinner. And what did they make...fettuccine alfredo with french bread. There wasn't even a salad I could fill up on. And of course, because I was down and wanted nothing more than to numb myself with food, I ate a large serving of pasta and a huge piece of bread. Not good.

Yesterday was better...but I still wasn't as on track as I would have liked to have been. The day was good...I made my own ranch with low-fat plain yogurt and ranch mix (only 2pts for about 3 Tbsp) and I ate very little processed food. But it was payday and I had a TON of errands to run after work because I won't have time this weekend. So, by the time we were done with all the shopping and what not, it was 9pm. So we grabbed Subway...a decent choice for eating out but still not as healthy as cooking for myself would have been.

I fear for tonight. Its Kyle's birthday party and we are going to be drinking. I have found some solutions to try and keep my point intake under control but I fear that my control will dissipate as I consume more liquor. I am mixing vodka with Crystal Light because then I only have to count points for the actual alcohol and not the mixer. We are grilling and I purchased some 97% fat free Beef hot dogs and whole wheat buns which will make the whole hot dog (bun, dog, and condiments) only about 3-4 points each...so that isn't too bad. I have saved almost all my weekly points for tonight so I know I am fairly safe. But points or not, it will not be a healthy evening.

Sunday is Pride...and while I am excited...its going to be a challenge (as I mentioned before). I have scoured the Blue Bonnet's menu online and I am going to have to be one of the annoying people who orders a specialized dish in order to consume something even remotely point friends. Shannon already promised she would keep me away from the chips and I am going to make sure I eat a good breakfast in the hopes I won't be totally famished by lunch. I just hope I manage to save some points after tonight to cover me on Sunday.

Lets just say that even though I've stayed within my points this week (so far) it has not been my proudest few days. I am really nervous to step on the scale on Monday. But I know I just have to brush this week off and move forward with my life. I just hope the damage isn't too extensive...

Zumba

So, I got myself out of bed this morning about 45 minutes early (which was extremely difficult) so I could try out the Zumba game for my Wii. I have friends who have taken Zumba classes and people post about it all over WW boards...so I figured I'd give it a try. I love to dance and I need to be more active...it was worth a shot...

Let me tell you...it kicked my ass!

I did the 20 minuted beginners "class"...and after about 8 minutes I thought I was going to die. I was sweating like crazy and it was exhausting. Mind you, I'm sure my lack of activity made it much harder than it would be for relatively "fit" people...but phew...it was intense. I stuck it out through the full 20 minutes and I was pretty proud of myself.

I am definitely going to make this into a routine. I am considering doing cardio in the gym M,W,F; Zumba in the mornings T, Th; weight training in the gym T, Th; and then evening walks  M,W,F...I haven't laid everything out for sure yet but this is what I want to get to eventually...

Things are looking up...maybe the gain I had is what I needed to kick my butt into gear (too bad I'm sore as hell lol).

Weigh-In #8

Weight loss this week: +.4 lbs
Total weight loss so far: 23.2 lbs

Okay...so I am totally and completely bummed. I gained this week for the first time since starting the program and I am really disappointed. I know its only half a pound and I shouldn't let it get me down...but man...this sucks. I've been trying to prepare myself for weeks of maintenance and gains because that is part of losing weight (WW talks about this all the time)...and I thought I would be okay when that happened. And while I haven't broken down or completely lost faith, I am extremely disappointed in myself.

I've been told that I just need to pick myself back up, analyze what I can improve upon, and move forward. But honestly...I didn't feel like last week was terrible. In fact, I thought I did pretty well. I managed to turn down an ice cream sandwich, pizza, and a chocolate cookie at work last week. I worked hard to get all my GHG's in and make healthy snack choices. I measured and tracked everything.

Although, I suppose I should admit that there are a few things that I need to improve on. My activity is probably the biggest. I have been downright lazy. Not working out in the morning. Not working out at night. And maybe my body finally decided that watching what I eat isn't enough anymore. I'm hoping I can turn my disappointment into motivation to get active. I also was a wreck this weekend. I ate...and ate...and ate some more. I tracked everything and I stayed within my points (but I used more weekly points than I had the whole program with the exception of Easter weekend)...but I had more sodium (pita chips, tortilla chips, and peanuts) and less veggies (I desperately need to go grocery shopping but I'm poor until Thursday) and water than I know I should. Still...I didn't think I was totally out of control. Ugh...

I'm just going to try and straighten up and get motivated this week. I am facing a few challenges though. Wednesday is Kyle's birthday but we aren't celebrating until Friday. Friday evening we are having a BBQ at his parents' house. I'm not super concerned about the food (I will be bringing my own point-friendly food) but there will be alcohol and I do intend on drinking (its his birthday and I want to celebrate with him and his friends). I plan on trying to just do vodka with point-friendly mixers (I think I might make some Crystal Light or something since its free)...but alcohol adds up really fast. So if I manage to survive that, Sunday is Denver Pride! I go every year and its always fun...and every year our whole group goes out for Mexican food at the Blue Bonnet. Think free chips and salsa, margaritas, and very unhealthy food. I've pretty much avoided eating out since starting the program (partially because I'm poor and partially because it requires a lot of thought and consideration) and Mexican is not really where I wanted to start out. Its going to require a LOT of pre-planning and even more self control. I just worry I'm going to wind up with another gain next week. I had expected and even "planned" on having a rough weigh-in next week because of my weekend plans...but that was before my gain this week. I guess I'll just have to do the best I can.

Ice Cream Sandwich

So today, my boss got back from lunch and had "gifts" for my co-worker and I. He got us these huge chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches...which, incidentally, are one of my favorite novelties.

I have one co-worker (Swill) who has been extremely supportive of my weight-loss journey...he is on one himself so we tend to talk about it and support each other. When my boss handed me the treat, I sat there and stared at it for a second. Swill looked at me and said he told him not to do it. But he had anyway. So there I stood, with a melting ice cream in my hand. They said I could give it away (with much razzing from my boss), so I did. I walked up to Jen and begged her to take it and do something with it. She took it quickly (and thankfully) and I walked back to my desk having consumed zero ice cream.

So why am I upset?! Shouldn't I be proud of my decision to walk away from an unplanned and unnecessary treat?

I know I made the right decision and I am proud that I took control and gave it away. I know those are the choices I need to make in order to continue to be successful. But right now, I am just bummed. I miss being able to just enjoy food and not think about it constantly (and my excess enjoyment is why I am here in the first place). I mean, I do still enjoy food and I do allow myself treats sometimes. But some days (like today) I feel like its a battle and I am not in the mood to fight.

I know I am just in a bit of a funk today and my mood is twisting my good decision into negativity. I just need to get out of this mood I'm stuck in.

Weigh-In #7

Weight loss this week: 6.8 lbs
Total weight loss so far: 23.6 lbs

Okay...so part of me wants to be really really excited about the amount I lost this week. Almost 7lbs is HUGE. But a bigger part of me is scared. According to WW, a healthy rate of loss is between .5-2lbs per week. Obviously that fluctuates some weeks but this is a big fluctuation. I even weighed myself twice to make sure that my Wii didn't make a mistake.

There are a couple of reasons this could have happened. I have been sick for the last week or so. While I was feeling a bit better last week starting Tuesday, I still wasn't completely myself. I ate my points almost every day but I didn't eat as many weeklies as I usually do. Also, I may have been a little dehydrated...I didn't drink nearly as much water as I usually do this weekend so that could have played a role as well. But these things seem unlikely to cause me to have such a huge drop. I didn't exercise last week or really do anything differently...so why such a significant loss?

I have been having some stomach issues...nothing outrageous...just aches and some other small things. So, being the paranoid person that I am, I'm thinking there might be something wrong with me. Stomach issues kind of run in my family; my uncle had Crohn's Disease (which is terrible and can cause you to lose a lot of weight quickly). There are also issues with Diabetes and thyroid problems. I dunno...I'm probably stressing myself out of nothing. But if my loss next week is this big again, I will be going to the doctor to get tested...particularly for Crohn's.

Ugh...I wish my weight loss wasn't plagued with such worrisome thoughts...

Yummy New Cooking Adventures

So, since starting WW, I have made a strong effort to cook as often as possible. I've always loved to cook but for some reason, I rarely did it. Now when I say cook, I mean really cook...not heat something frozen, throw together a boxed meal (like mac&cheese or hamburger helper), or heat up soup. When I started, I purchased myself a nice set of pots and pans (my old ones were in need of replacement anyway) and I swore to myself that I would use them! So I thought, as a bit of a change up, I would post some of the wonderful new meals I've made and/or plan on making in the near future.

Pan-seared chicken in garlic sauce
**This was so amazing! You sear the chicken (that has been seasoned with lots of yummy spices) in a hot skillet, then add in whole garlic cloves and chicken broth. Finish it in the oven, take out the chicken, and crush the garlic until you can mix it all up into a sauce. I served it with roasted red potatoes and steamed broccoli. Probably my favorite dish I've made so far!**

Spice-rubbed pork chops
**I buy boneless pork chops at Sam's Club in a large pack but I've always had a hard time figuring out what to do with them (I didn't enjoy pork for a long time so it is pretty new to my kitchen). The rub is made up of brown sugar, cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, and Worcestershire sauce. You just rub the chops well and bake them until done. I served this with sauteed zucchini and yellow squash and loaded mashed potatoes (instant...ya, I know that's not really cooking but they tasted delightful).**

Chicken with mushrooms and rice
**I made this last night and while it was good, my mushrooms weren't the freshest (thinking back I probably should have just tossed them but at least I didn't get sick) so that did effect the flavor a little bit. Anyway, you brown the chicken in the skillet until cooked. Remove it and saute celery, leeks, and mushrooms (the recipe called for carrots but that sounded gross to me)...when they are almost done, add a chopped tomato and some white wine. Let the wine cook down and then add the chicken, instant wild rice (I just used Rice-a-roni), and chicken stock. Simmer for 25 minutes...and you have a delicious meal!**

Chicken sausage with spaghetti squash
**So this is my dinner plan for tonight and I'm really excited about it because I came up with it on my own instead of using a recipe. I went to Sunflower Market for the first time this week and fell in love! Cheap, fresh produce and awesome sales! Anyway, they had chicken sausage on sale and, while I have never had it, it sounds pretty good. They had a bunch of varieties...I picked one that has spinach and feta cheese in it! Yum! So my plan is to cook the sausage and slice it thinly. Then I'm going to saute it real quickly with spaghetti squash (already cooked of course), tomatoes, garbanzo beans, and possibly some more feta (depending on how strong the flavor is in the chicken). I'm really excited to try it!**

If anyone else has awesome recipes to share, please feel free! I'm always up to try new ones (I have a whole binder of recipes that I am waiting to try) and I'll post any successes I have! Happy Friday all!

Negative Nancy (not weight related)

I am feeling like a Negative Nancy today...and I don't like it.

I feel like I'm in a rut...I'm stuck in place and I am frustrated with trying to move to no avail.

I'm working at a job with no challenges or stimulating activity. I am at the bottom of the totem pole (even after a year and a half here) and there are some co-workers that seem to put forth their greatest effort to continue to make me feel that way. I am over-educated and under-paid.

I want to teach.

I have applied to every single job posting DPS has put up since February. I have applied to every single job posting Douglas county has put up since March. I have applied to every single private school posting on Craigslist.

I have not applied to Jeffco or Adams county because, from what I understand, there are going to be lay-offs and school closings...meaning no outside hiring. I need to apply to more charter schools...now that I think about it, that is going to be a goal for the next week.

You would think that having a master's degree might give me a little boost in the eyes of employers. Maybe? I haven't gotten a single call for an interview. I have gotten multiple rejection emails from Douglas County.

"While your qualifications are impressive, we have chosen interview candidates whose qualifications meet our school's needs more specifically."

My ass.

I know its still early...its only the first week of June...hell, some districts aren't even out of school yet. But I just feel so discouraged. I want to move forward with my life...with my career. I want to come home exhausted because I had a busy and challenging day...not because I stared at a computer screen for 8 hours and had zero mental stimulation during that time. I want to make a salary that I deserve. I want change.

I'm 24 and feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. I'm too young for this...