Saturday, June 14, 2014

One year...

It has been a year since my last post...and I seem to have lost myself in that year. There have been so many struggles and surprises this year. My life got flipped on its end and it has taken me a very long time to recover.

I have been really up and down with my eating and exercising. Some days I'm on it. I eat well and I even go to the gym. But there have been weeks where I have eaten exactly the way I did when I weighed 300lbs. I have had plenty of excuses and reasons for my behavior and I've had friends and family fall into line with those excuses in the hopes of showing me the love and support I needed so desperately.

I am now in a place where I know I need to get myself in a good place again. Readjusting my mind frame has been difficult. I'll suceed, then make a small mistake or a stupid choice, follow it with an excuse, and repeat the cycle again. I've started to have really negative feelings toward myself again. My body image has worsened and I don't feel confident.

I'm trying so hard to get back on track and to remind myself that I've lost 101 lbs so far. If I can do that, I can lose the last 40 lbs. I can't say exactly what I need to do to fix myself. I don't really know. All I know is that I am going to continue to push and work.

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