Re-committed...again...

Months on Weight Watchers: 19
Total weight loss as of 12/17/12: 84.5lbs

Okay...so I really hate to look at this as a New Years resolution...I honestly have never bought into those and I feel like they get forgotten by February.

I also realize that I have posted a few "re-commitment" blogs and for that, I am slightly ashamed. 2012 was not by best year. I had some ups and downs, especially with my weight. I would do well for a few days or even a few weeks, but I always sabotaged myself. I'm not really sure where the lax attitude came from...I do know that I have finally recognized a few internal hurdles that I must overcome if I'm going to be successful long-term.

• First...I legitimately MISS eating whatever I want. I love food...and I love food that is bad for me. I love fast food and junk food and alcohol. Years of eating as much as I pleased of anything that I wanted has created an unhealthy mindset about eating.
• Second...I make more excuses for my own bad behavior than acceptable.
• Third...I do not LIKE the gym or exercise. I wanted to pretend that I did...but I don't. Its a chore to me.
• Fourth...I allow the outside world and friends to influence my choices. I know that they aren't making any suggestions or pulling me in any one direction to be malicious. I allow my self to be persuaded.
• Fifth (and last)...I beat myself up for mistakes instead of just focusing on changing my behavior.

Now...here is the re-commitment part (and I know you have heard this before but writing it out helps me feel like its real and accountable)...

Starting 12/31/12, I am back on Weight Watchers full force with no excuses. I WILL weigh and measure EVERYTHING for every snack and every meal.

I will accept my mistakes for what they are...mistakes. I will move forward from them and take honest steps towards not making the same mistakes more than once.

I will stop mourning my inability to eat crap whenever I want. Instead, I will look at my lifestyle change as something positive and take steps to truly enjoy food that is healthy for me (while allowing moderate and measured indulgences on occasion).

I will go to the gym or get at least 30 minutes of exercise in 5 days a week. I will just suck it up. There may not be a huge revelation or change of heart about the gym and I need to accept that. But I also need to accept that exercise is necessary.

I am done making excuses. I am done panicking about having to step on the scale on Mondays. I am done avoiding my blog for fear of judgement of my slip-ups and poor choices.

Here is to a new day...a new year...and continued positive changes...